Friday 3rd February 2006

How would she like it if I said to her ‘You smell and you need to have a bath’ ? But that is exactly what she said to me today. It’s not being told I smell that I object to, as a dog I take that as a compliment. It is being told I have to have a bath. Is there no respect for the fact that it has taken me 2 weeks of rolling in everything I can find, to perfect this ‘classic’ odour. I’ve been seriously thinking of trying to develop it as an ‘off the shelf’ cologne to save the hard work involved in endless rubbing myself in dirt, puddles, bushes and of course acorns. She has even gone to the lengths of washing cushion covers and my bedding to destroy the formula.

All in all it hasn’t been a good day. I had wasted all morning trying to upload a website to the internet to no avail, and you know how frustrating it is when you can’t get your computer to do what you think it should. Who says they are only dumb machines! I think they have moods, and throw ‘sickies’ when they are supposed to be working! If this wasn’t bad enough following my returning of the worming tablet I was given last week, she had got some new stuff from the vet to give me. This time it is a syringe of paste that she has to squirt onto the back of my tongue. Well being a typical dog I’ll try eating anything and I’d swallowed before I had really thought about the fact I was supposed to be objecting on principle.

Well diary the Master wants to know why when he tells me to do something I answer back. We got into an almighty row both last night and this morning. He says he wasn’t shouting he just has a loud voice! But when he told me to get down, I just barked like mad at him. I think it’s because he is so easy to wind up, it makes it fun.

I bumped into a dog that is a lawyer when I went for my walk today. I was telling him about the deer, and about not being able to apply for the position of pulling Santa’s sledge. He says he will go and have a look if there is any legislation we could try suing Santa under. There has to be something that covers the rights of dogs to be considered for all types of work, there is European legislation of just about everything else!

Alfie with a little help from Rosemary J Kind


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