Most alarmingly I was grounded earlier. The alarming bit is that it was my mistress who grounded me, and after my master said my mistress thought I was perfect and was too soft with me. Of course I am perfect, but it seems that trying to dig up the moles is not acceptable. I am not actually sure if it was just the digging up of the moles or traipsing the mud all through the lounge but whichever it was I was grounded. I am not happy. In her defence my mistress is not overly happy either, she tried slicing a large chunk out of her thumb. This just goes to prove that the new knife they had as a wedding present really is sharp! In all her injuries, and they are many, I don’t think I have seen her looking quite as distressed as she was with the blood dripping down her hand. I probably shouldn’t have done, but in truth I found it quite funny watching her trying to get the medical kit out with her right hand while not dripping blood everywhere with her left one. I offered to lick it for her, explaining that saliva has many healing properties, but for some reason she said that unless I was a vampire she thought it better not. I think she has been listening to too much of the Terry Pratchett book ‘Thud’, do I really bear any relation to a Vampire? She and my master seem to be enjoying the book a bit too much, including doing impressions of some of the characters. It is alarming how naturally my master falls into the roll of the Troll.
The biggest problem with having had so many visitors staying, from my perspective anyway, is the fact that the washing machine and tumble dryer are in my room. When will my mistress start to understand that putting it on when she goes to bed is most unfair on me. What dog wants to be woken by a hyperactive washing machine bouncing round the room? I have told it to stay in its own corner but to no avail. The tumble dryer, whilst obeying the command sit, has a nasty habit of beeping at intervals to tell you it is finished. I can’t get to sleep properly until it finally stops.