Saturday 27th January 2007

I am horrified to report that my master is actually right. If anything goes wrong his normal approach is to want to hit it with a hammer. It is usually only the swift intervention of my mistress that prevents this from happening and the more delicate things such as his computer remain eternally grateful to her. Our central heating has not worked well since I arrived. My mistress spent most of last winter working wrapped in a  duvet and holding a warm drink. The services of Charlie Bear were enlisted by my Gran who sent it to warm her up. You put Charlie in the microwave and then hold him while he cools down. Anyway, this year she has decided it might be better to get the central heating fixed rather than be cold. I’m thinking she is a little slow on the uptake but at least she has finally got the right idea. The men cam round and removed the thermostat from each radiator and then hit them with a hammer. Basically, all the valves had jammed in the off position. My mistress is now having to hide all the hammers in case my master takes this as a sign that it is acceptable to hit other things that don’t work in the same way!

There is some suspicion on the part of my mistress that burning the Christmas tree last year may have contributed to the problems of the chimney. This thinking was the result of some friends explaining the problems of burning Christmas trees! The same was planned for the forlorn looking tree still sitting in the lounge. My mistress has now taken drastic action, in a very half-hearted way! The tree has been taken outside and she has started chopping bits off it and putting it in the ‘green’ waste bin. She gave up after one bag load because she was too cold. It would have been so much easier if she had realised they were actually collecting Christmas trees two weeks ago and put it out on the right day!

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