I am being tortured. I can’t bear it much longer. This is nothing short of cruelty to dogs. My master and mistress are taking turns in feeding Matilda and keep coming home smelling of cat. Apparently, she wants to be cuddled before she eats each day. Now I don’t know about you but I regard that as pretty close to being unfaithful to their dog. What is more they will not take me with them to see her. Matilda does go out but never seems to want to come in my direction. I can be gentle. I wouldn’t chase her, much. It just feels rotten having my owners coming back each day smelling of another animal. I’m not usually the jealous type but there are limits. I suppose my master did try to make up to me yesterday by taking me for a lovely walk, he even left half a glass of beer for when he got back and then completely forgot about it. Normally he won’t move until he has finished savouring the whole glass, so I know I ought to think I’m lucky, but I really do want them all to myself. My mistress asked how I would go on if we got another dog but that would be different as I would teach him his place in the pecking order, which of course would be somewhere well below mine. He could have affection but would not be allowed on the bed or the settee. He would never be allowed the spot in front of the fire unless I had finished with it and would always have to let me have first refusal on scraps. Most of all, he absolutely would never be allowed to share my mistress’s marzipan. Every dog must have his standards.