Hi, it’s Ari here and I’m going to moan about ‘pet names’ today. I don’t mean the names we’re given at birth. I quite like being called Aristotle and am happy with it being abbreviated to Ari. What I’m moaning about is the other things I get called. The names our Mistress thinks are ‘sweet’ or ‘affectionate’. Wilma gets called Megan but that’s accidental. I suppose the only other one she has to put up with is the rather sugary ‘sweetie-pie’, but she’s a girl so it’s probably not so bad. Shadow doesn’t really get called anything other than Shadow or ‘Shads’ or ‘Mum’ if I really want to annoy her. I think we’d be eaten alive if any of us came up with anything too flowery for Shadow. Alfie for some reason finds his name extended to ‘Alfredo’ rather than just abbreviated and laps up every last term of endearment our Mistress finds for him. It’s what I get called that’s the problem. I get called ‘Little Smew’ which I know is special because it was something that our Mistress’s favourite uncle used to call her when she was a child but ‘Peanut’, why do I have to be called Peanut? Oh, I know what the real reason is. It’s because I was only 292grammes when I was born and was so tiny and they didn’t know if I’d live. However, I’ve grown 100 times over since then and I don’t much resemble a peanut. Well, I suppose my long body shape might look a bit like a peanut if you really wanted to stretch a point, but I didn’t. But Peanut I am, and I’m guessing that whatever I have to say, Peanut I will remain.
Reassure me, do any of you have embarrassing nicknames or is it just me?
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