Whilst the others are all bouncing around with excitement, I’m feeling sad. I’ve told you before that I’m suffering from canine cognitive dysfunction (doggy dementia). We thought it was reasonably stable for a while. I’m on some very good medication, Selgian, which definitely made a difference and seemed to stabilise things. I can’t cope with change and I get confused about some things in particular. However, I’ve just has a bit of a wake up call. Of course, I can only recognise it as that in my good moments.
Oh I know I lost my voice a few weeks ago and that hasn’t come back. It’s easy to pass that off as just barking too much. I know I did bark a lot when I was in kennels as it all felt so strange. Our Mistress is surprised that my voice hasn’t come back. She is starting to suggest we probably need to check there is not something more going on. And I know I lost 3.5kg when I was in kennels, but I’ve lost weight before and that although a lot didn’t seem such a bad sign. I’m enjoying all the treats and trying to put it back on.
Lack of recognition
What has really upset me, and my Mistress come to that, is that when my Master came home on Saturday I simply didn’t recognise him. I didn’t know who the strange man was at all. I’ve not seen him for over two months, but the house still has his things around which still carry some of his scent, but whereas he expected me to wag my tail and be pleased to see him, I just cowered away from him and felt confused. Now my Mistress is terrified I’m going to forget who she is too. She has cuddled me and reassured me and explained who my Master is. In my good moments I feel terrible for him that I didn’t know, but there is just nothing there in my head to tell me.
When I go into kennels next, our Mistress is going to send things that smell of her in sealed bags to be opened and given to me every few days. However given that some of my Master’s things are around I don’t really know if that will make any difference. She thought it was odd when she picked me up last time that instead of running straight to her I wandered round the shop at the kennels first. Now we’re worrying that I’m forgetting everyone.
I keep reminding myself that on his good days Terry Pratchett was able to carry on writing, so I’m hoping I can too. I just hope I have enough good days to write things which make sense.
With lots of love from a very sad
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