Friday Flashback

It’s me again with Friday Flashback. It feels like a long time since Alfie let me get my paws on the diary. I know it was only Monday but that feels like ages. Ari is in trouble. He spent a good part of yesterday afternoon removing branches from the apple tree for me. I got told off for doing it last year so he said he’d lend a paw, but he got caught. Anyway, back to what has happened in the past.

In 2008 Alfie was trying out his first ever GPS tracker. This is what happened.

No Signal

A St Bernard gets a barrel of alcohol and all I get is a GPS tracking device on my collar. I asked if I could have a little hip flask to go with it, for my longer treks but apparently that isn’t appropriate for a dog! This thing is huge. So far we haven’t even been able to set it up right, so whilst my Mistress has eventually conned the system into understanding that we don’t live in a village several miles away, at least whilst I’m at home I don’t seem to be giving out any signal at all. In reality I think I still give out a signal but we are too sheltered for it to be received by anyone, too sheltered or too remote, one of the other.

Oh dear, Alfie was having a difficult time in 2011

Kid sisters can be annoying

Shadow has been going on and on about what a lovely weekend she had, having my owners to herself. If I weren’t a pacifist type of dog, I’d punch her. I know she’s trying to provoke a reaction and she really is a very annoying little dog, they are at the end of the day my owners too and my Mistress is closer to me than any of us. I have been sitting as close as I can to my Mistress to prove the point and Megan has been sitting the other side of her, which has led to some disagreements with Shadow. I think she may be hormonal. It’s only female dogs she is supposed to be more aggressive towards when she comes into season and I am not female. I may not have all the necessary bits, but I’ve still got some of them. I can do without hormonal women having a go at me for no reason.

It’s funny looking back to 2012 to see Alfie describing Aristotle as his best friend. I wonder when it all went so wrong.

Alfie in trouble

I know I’m not supposed to use my Mistress’s credit card, but it’s in a good cause. It’s just that I’m not going to be able to hide the evidence and I think I’m going to be in trouble. Is it ok to say it was Roxy and Snoopy’s faults and that I am in some way innocent? I just don’t like to see Ari struggle and I don’t want him to miss out on all the fun. He’s my best friend and we should go places together. I also realise it isn’t his birthday for another three months, but I didn’t think he should have to wait that long. I found a pet stroller in the right size and it was much cheaper than all the ones I’d looked at the other day.

It’s the exact same one but it’s half the price and I’ve checked it isn’t dodgy. It’s by the official importer of the product and it really does all look above board, it’s just that I didn’t ask first and I’m going to be in big trouble. I’ve heard it all before. “Alfie you must not use my credit card. That is fraud.” The thing is, I did some checks and I don’t think fraud applies to dogs. I don’t think they have doggy prisons and if anything my owner would be held responsible. Then as it’s her credit card anyway it can’t be fraud, so I’m all right…aren’t I?