Telegram from Alfie – Friday 16th July 2021

Telegram from Alfie

I couldn’t resist doing a Friday flashback to Alfie’s Telegram to Mum and Dad when they got married fifteen years ago. This is what he said way back on this day in 2006, when he was only seven months old.

Alfie writes

It was the wedding yesterday. I have no idea how it went as they’ve been too busy to ring me. They were calling all the tables at the reception after race circuits with my master and mistress sitting at ‘Monaco’. It was driving round and round the circuit there, admittedly in a 1.6 litre Peugeot 206cc and not a formula 1 car, that my master and mistress first realised they were falling in love. I suppose it was a good job they didn’t have a formula 1 car as that would only have had one seat. Anyway, I sent them a telegram for the wedding. This is what I said.

His telegram to the wedding

“Hello Master and Mistress, it’s Alfie here your beloved but rather left out dog. As I realised you wouldn’t have chance to ring me today, I thought I would send you my best wishes by telegram. It’s funny to think it’s now seven months since you both came to meet me and my brother and sisters for the first time. It was obvious then that the way to my mistress’s heart was through my master. I knew that if I made a fuss of him and he wanted to take me home then she would want that just to make him happy. It’s all worked out rather well really I know my mistress thinks the world of him and he makes her really happy. He looks after her and she looks after me, not a bad set up for a puppy.

Anyway, getting back to the point, my little suitcase is packed ready for you to pick me up for the honeymoon. Please don’t forget to bring me back a doggy bag from the reception. Oh and Master just because my Mistress looks up to you and thinks you are the most wonderful bloke in the world doesn’t mean you come any higher in the pecking order as far as I’m concerned. I still expect to get the best seat in front of the fire and don’t go getting any ideas about my fetching your slippers, it just isn’t going to happen. All my love, your devoted puppy Alfie.”

Ready to go away

I hoped they liked it. I think I’ve packed everything, I have my sun cream and a little hat and some glasses, a bucket and spade and a beach towel. I’ve also packed the books I want to catch up with reading. I presume they’re taking me but they haven’t said. You don’t think they would leave me behind do you? It wouldn’t be the same without me.

Poor old Alfie. They did leave him behind, but that’s a story for another day.



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